Grade This!- March 3, 2005
Our Weekly Wrap-Up: Hermaphroditic frogs, bombing Syria, executing kids, pushing the anti-choice agenda, the Olsen twins and more.
Things to do after our 1,576,800-minute smoke break
The Transportation Security Administration has finally enacted a ban on cigarette lighters on airplanes, which will take effect in April. And to think, it only took three years after someone tried to ignite a bomb on an airplane.
TSA’s grades: Logic: A
Punctuality: D-
August Pollak , Campus Progress
The Supremes: No More Executing Kids
"The Eighth and Fourteenth Amendments forbid imposition of the death penalty on offenders who were under the age of 18 when their crimes were committed." With those words from the decision of Roper v. Simmons, the Supreme Court rejected the juvenile death penalty as “cruel and unusual punishment” by 5-4 this week, following the lead of 31 states. Most interestingly, the majority noted "the overwhelming weight of international opinion against the juvenile death penalty” – and that America shouldn’t be one of the only nations in the world where executing minors remains legal. Predictably, the conservative, isolationist justices were in a tizzy over this supposed violation of “American judicial sovereignty.” But in our globalized world, defined by the constant interaction between people living under different legal systems, US judges can’t afford to be parochial: they have to take into account what other courts and societies are doing.
The Majority: A+
The Minority: F (for suggesting it’s okay to kill kids)
The Majority’s Citation of International Law: A
Judicial isolationism: D-
Asheesh Siddique, Princeton University
Peace, Shopping, or Rocking Out: Disturbing New Figures
According to an admittedly nonscientific poll of visitors to Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s website shopping is totally kicking peace-making’s ass as far as popularity amongst the tweens who throng to these two blonde lollipops. Respondents were asked the following question, “If you only had one bumper sticker on your car, what would it say?” The poll results? ‘Peace’ garnered a mere 24% of the votes, ‘Rock On!’ got 31% but ‘I’d Rather Be Shopping’ dominated the field with 44%. Fear for our future people, fear for our future ….
Peace: A+
Shopping: B
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen’s continuing and unfathomable popularity: C
Elana Berkowitz, Campus Progress
Cable News Can’t Bother with a Proposed Nuclear Holocaust
It’s not everyday than an elected member of Congress publicly advocates slaughtering hundreds of thousands of civilians, and volunteers himself to do the deed. Sam Johnson (R-TX), however, isn’t your ordinary Congressman. The former Air Force pilot recently boasted to a gathering of veterans (at a church no less) that he’d told Bush, “Syria is the problem. Syria is where those weapons of mass destruction are, in my view. You know, I can fly an F-15, put two nukes on ‘em and I’ll make one pass. We won’t have to worry about Syria anymore.” Two weeks earlier some nutty professor from Colorado had managed to be all the talk of cable news and the right-wing blogosphere as yet another example of the America-hating left. Ward Churchill may be a chump and an idiot, but he certainly isn’t getting face time with the President, or helping shape US policy. So you’d think his comments would get less play than those of an actual, you know, elected Congressman who explicitly advocated nuclear war crimes. Fat chance. As of this week. Johnson’s comments had gotten one mention on CNN and none on MSNBC, FOX (no duh!) and CNBC.
Nuclear Holocaust: F
Cable News: D
Bloggers That Circulated the Quote: A
“Old Media” Reporter from Roll Call who caught the quote and included it in a story: A+
Christopher Hayes, Chicago
Apparently, This Whole Iraq Thing Totally Worked Out
Compliant media accepts dubious claims that Iraq disaster is working out fine and dandy.
A frighteningly consistent bit of prevailing wisdom is starting to gel. According to just about everyone in the punditocracy, including the supposedly Bush-hating New York Times, every lurch towards democracy anywhere in the world in the past two years is a credit to Bush’s illegal invasion of Iraq. That includes the Palestinian authority’s third consecutive relatively free and fair election (stress on the word relatively), Ukraine, developments in Lebanon (a reaction to Syria’s suspected role in the assassination of former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik Hariri) and, according to William Safire on Meet the Press, Australia’s recent election.
American media’s bootlickery: F
Bush administration spinmeisters: A+
Joshua Holland, USC
Does the Christian Right Know About These Hermaphroditic Frogs?
Scientists at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign released a report comparing frogs collected over the last 150 years and they have noticed a stunning increase in hermaphrodites due to pesticide contamination. The discovery that certain environmental pollutants can mimic or block estrogen and testosterone is one of the creepiest environmental science discoveries in recent years. Though rates of hermaphroditism has dropped since the heyday of chemicals like DDT in the 1950s, the study still raised many red flags. By and large, the Bush Administration has given a huge middle finger to environmental concerns. Perhaps, however, these transgender frogs will trigger some of that Christian Right fear of sexual deviancy and we can move towards some meaningful environmental protection.
Effectiveness as an alarm bell about the effects of toxic pollution on our environment: A
Chance that the Bush Administration will actually pay attention: C-
Elana Berkowitz, Campus Progress
The Mute Leading the Confused
With the release of Frances the Mute, their second full-length album, The Mars Volta has demonstrated that they are among the most creative and talented bands in rock music today. One thing is a bit confusing, however: no one knows what the real names of the tracks are. A friend and I each bought a copy. The track listing showed that there should be as many as 20 tracks. There were only twelve. The online CDDB database gave us two different possible track listings. Amazon.com lists a third. Listening to music should sometimes be challenging. Trying to find the name of a song should not.
Frances the Mute, the music: A
Frances the Mute, the track listing: D
Matt Singer, University of Montana
“Shaken, Not Stirred”: Why the former James Bond star is being sued for $38 million dollars.
According to court documents filed this week, the downstairs neighbor of Sean Connery is suing the former James Bond action-film star for allegedly trying to “terrorize” him out of the four-story townhouse they share in eastside Manhattan. Over the course of the past several years, Sir Connery has been renovating his apartment and subjected his neighbors to constant noise, noxious fumes, leaky pipes and outside rodent infestation often associated with such repairs—particularly in NYC. In addition, his neighbor’s lawsuit states that Connery is overweight, crotchety and just plain mean. When their daughter went upstairs to ask him to turn his music down she found that his, “appearance and behavior was that of a rude, foul-mouthed, fat old man.” Ouch.
Obnoxious neighbors who file frivolous lawsuits: F
Celebrity neighbors who are equally obnoxious: D-
The thought that famous sex-symbols eventually grow old and fat: A
J. Christopher LaTondresse, Bethel University
Rape, Contraception, the Anti-Choice Agenda and Crappy Science in Texas
While a bill was submitted in the Texas state legislature requiring all state hospitals to supply emergency contraception to rape victims, Texas Rep. Frank Corte, R-San Antonio, has also submitted a bill that allows any pharmacist to refuse giving the medication “they find morally or ethically objectionable.” That’s right – a bill about helping rape victims with emergency medication could be countered by Rep. Corte’s legislation, which would make sure that pharmacists don’t have to dispense the same drugs if they don’t feel like it.
Joe Pojman, executive director of the Texas Alliance for Life, opposes the first bill’s intent to make hospitals provide the emergency care. His argument? Rape can’t get you pregnant. Said Rojman, "…one thing I point out is that pregnancy after assault rape is extremely rare … for one thing, the woman may already be on contraceptives. Very seldom does an assailant ejaculate; it’s all about power and control.” He added, "A woman has gone through a trauma; for these reasons her body may not be fertile." Perhaps the male spokesman for the anti-choice organization needs to study how the female body actually works one of these days.
Rep. Corte negating a bill that helps rape victims as a result of his own anti-choice agenda: F
Texas Alliance for Life’s understanding of ethics and biology: F
August Pollak , Campus Progress
Tierney Comes to Roost on the NYT Op-Ed Pages
The New York Times finalized the retirement of curmudgeonly op-ed fixture Bill Safire by naming quirky libertarian John Tierney to the post. Safire was legendary for his strange, digressive columns that delved deep into the minds of the famous dead and buried only to find that—surprise!—their opinions agreed with whatever the week’s conservative party line was. But the era of seances has ended, and now Tierney has his own 800 words to fill with fluff, something the self-styled gadfly is certain to do. Tierney has pioneered a civilized, urbanized version of the first-person gonzo journalism that made the late Hunter S. Thompson famous. An average column follows Tierney, a free-market Manhattanite, on yet another idiosyncratic quest to prove recycling is bunk, or cabbies will pick up bank robbers, or dog walkers don’t like using leashes, or some such bit of city-based misadventure that inevitably proves one of Ayn Rand’s principles inviolable. I hate to say it, but I miss Safire’s strange supernaturalism already.
Experience in channeling Nixon from purgatory: F
Resemblance to a chipmunk/Regis Philbin hybrid: A
Setting the stage for Tom Green to have an op-ed adventure of his own: A
Ezra Klein, UCLA
Michael Jackson Trial Starts…
Wait, Michael Jackson is involved in something creepy? Who would’ve thought! In his newest trial, prosecutors allege that Jackson plied a 13-year old male cancer patient with liquor and then exposed him to "strange sexual behavior" at his uber-creepy Neverland Ranch. Jackson also allegedly tried to keep the boy and his family prisoners at Neverland. The defense claims that the alleged victim’s mother is merely a money-grubbing low-life who is trying to get money out of Jackson, and even solicited Jay Leno for funds. Let the media insanity begin!
Trial: A-; at least it’ll be interesting
Trivializing child abuse: F-
Ensuing Media Circus: D
Amy Papsun, American University
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