Put Down the Pie

Six ways to tangle with conservatives on campus without resorting to a food fight.

In the wake of several very public campus encounters between conservative speakers and food products, Campus Progress would like to remind you that this sort of behavior, in addition to being nasty and politically counter-productive, is a criminal waste of perfectly good pie.

While the campus food flingers do have exquisite taste in selecting their opponents – Ann Coulter, Bill Kristol, Richard Perle, David Horowitz, and Pat Buchanan – why bother to give the right-wingers any additional ammo? Rush Limbaugh, who claimed Abu Ghraib was merely a fraternity prank, is now claiming that a bit of pie and salad dressing represent the dawning of an age of catastrophic lefty violence on campus.

Some have said that the most recent victim, David Horowitz, got his just deserts (sorry) after making his career trying to strangle free speech rights for real academics across the nation under the banner of “academic freedom.” But suppressing his speech with whipped cream isn’t the best way to point out this hypocrisy.

Let’s leave the campus free speech suppression to them, eh?

Instead, we offer six ways to tangle with conservatives on campus without resorting to a food fight.

1. Drop the pie, pick up a book. Know the issues and players by reading newspapers, blogs, policy journals and our very own Campus Debate Crib Sheets and Know Your Right-Wing Speakers series. Once you’ve armed yourself with knowledge, make sure you are the first in line to ask conservative speakers tough questions and hold them accountable when they come to your campus.

2. If your pitching arm really needs the workout, make a life-size cardboard effigy of your favorite right-winger, set it up on the main green and offer students the chance to hit it with a pie for $2 a pop. Use the money raised to support progressive groups and causes. Be creative – Horowitz’s bald pate would look dashing wreathed with key lime while apple pie could warm up Coulter’s waxy pallor.

3. Bring a progressive speaker to your campus. Or set up a debate. There are hundreds of outstanding, knowledgeable speakers available to present powerful facts and arguments that can stimulate real critical thinking and organizing on your campus. We can help.

4. If you already baked up dozens of pies in preparation for the next wave of right-wing fanatics headed towards your campus – don’t throw them away. Donate your ammo to your local food pantry or homeless shelter.

5. Get local. During the 364 days a year when famous, nationally prominent right-wingers aren’t assaulting your campus, you still have work to do. Get involved in important local campaigns like increasing the minimum wage or pushing your administration to use more clean energy. Run for local and campus government positions. It is totally worth your time to take part in campus politics – something conservatives figured out a while ago. Some of their recent successes include getting universities to adopt variants of the censorious conservative affirmative action legislation, the “Academic Bill of Rights” and forcing campus cable providers into running Fox News. If they and their Washington patrons are the only voices of student government, who else is the administration supposed to listen to?

6. Throw some verbiage around instead of pastries. Feeling pissed off about the right-wing spin machine? John Bolton? The rising costs of college tuition? Write a letter to the editor of your college daily or the city daily paper nearest to campus. Call into talk radio shows with opinions and questions. Contribute articles, essays, cartoons, artwork and more to CampusProgress.org. Start your own blog on our website. Or, if you feel up to the challenge, start a progressive newspaper of your own. Campus Progress can help with that, too.