Grade This! - August 5, 2005
The week’s wrap-up: pundits walking out, presidents taking naps, what astronauts have for lunch, and more.
Novak goes Nova
Noted right-wing pundit, potential outer of covert CIA agents, and overall Douchebag of Liberty Robert Novak made himself the most famous man on cable this week, snapping live on-air while arguing politics with James Carville on CNN. Speculation remains as to what exactly set Novak off, but the complete video of Novak suddenly saying "this is bullshit," ripping off his mic, and storming off the set is unambiguous. CNN almost immediately suspended Novak from the air, calling his actions "inexcusable and unacceptable." Apparently, potentially blowing the cover of an intelligence agent for partisan political gain wasn’t enough to cut Novak loose, but saying a naughty word on television is where CNN draws the line.
Bob Novak: D
Bob Novak’s actions on live television: D-
Watching Bob Novak’s actions on live television: B+
Watching Jon Stewart’s reaction to Bob Novak’s actions on live television: A+
August J. Pollak, Campus Progress
George Bush Now Officially Laziest President Ever
The Washington Post reported Wednesday that President Bush will pass Ronald Reagan as the modern president with the most vacation days this month at his Crawford Texas ranch. Bush has surpassed the former vacationing champ, his political hero Ronald Reagan, with three and a half years left in office. The 323 days off make up nearly 20% of his term.
This, of course, is coming from a president who has threatened to weaken the Family and Medical Leave Act, which allows workers to take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave for a family or medical emergency. As his administration tries to prevent workers from getting time off to care for their hospitalized children, Dubya has taken off 47 weeks during his tenure as the Leader of the Free World so that he can chop wood and go mountain biking.
As Bush himself repeatedly said in a presidential debate, “It’s hard work.” Yeah, it is George, maybe you should stop vacationing and do some. Or better yet, go on a permanent vacation and let someone else have a try.
Presidential Loafing: A
Once Again Proving He’s Worse Than Reagan: A
Doing “Hard Work”: F
Sky Andrecheck, University of Illinois – Chicago
 “Intelligent Design” for an Intelligent President
Ah, the United States of America …. global leader at the forefront of science and technology. Unfortunately, you wouldn’t know it if you happened to be listening to our dear President Bush. Earlier this week, Mr. Bush emerged from the White House and — to our great disconcertment — felt compelled to offer his own views about the teaching of “intelligent design” alongside evolution in schools. “Both sides ought to be properly taught . . . so people can understand what the debate is about,” he told reporters, “part of education is to expose people to different schools of thought.”
What’s particularly worrisome is that the President didn’t seem to understand that the fundamental debate is whether intelligent design can be taught as part of a science curriculum, a fact that John Marburger — Bush’s scientific advisor — later admitted when he told the New York Times that “intelligent design is not a scientific concept.”
Now, we understand that the President has to occasionally toss a bone to please his extreme right-wing supporters. After all, proponents of the teaching of “intelligent design” (such as the horrifically named Discovery Institute think tank) have been pushing their agenda for years. But we suggest that Mr. Bush recuse himself from scientific matters and stick to what he clearly knows best: lying to the American public about weapons of mass destruction.
The Discovery Channel: A+
The Discovery [ sic ] Institute: F
President Bush’s grades in the only two science classes he took at Yale: C and D+
John Marburger’s ability to uphold his scientific principles while simultaneously defending the President’s policies: D
Wayne Huang, Cornell University
Pandering Pataki Pulls Pill Position
In a move to pander to national conservatives, aides to New York Gov. George E. Pataki announced Sunday night that the Governor would veto a bill to make the so called "morning after pill" available without a prescription. Gov. Pataki, a long time supporter of abortion rights, claimed he would reconsider the legislation if it contained a provision to limit the sale of the pill to minors. This ignores the reality that abortions are already available to minors in New York with very few restrictions. Under Gov. Pataki, New York has covered the cost of abortions for low-income minors. Apparently, in Gov. Pataki’s mind, minors having access to abortions is acceptable, yet having access to a pill that could prevent the need for an abortion is not.
The New York legislature attempting to make Plan B contraception available to all women who need it: A+
Blocking a bill that would greatly reduce the number of abortions without limiting a woman’s reproductive rights: D
Flip-flopping on one’s stance on abortion rights to score points with the radical right: F
Julie Anderson, Johns Hopkins University
One giant leap for jokes about airline food
Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi made the traditional call by national leaders to the space shuttle this week. Speaking to Japanese astronaut Soichi Noguchi and shuttle commander Eileen Collins, Koizumi chatted briefly about their mission so far, before getting to the truly important issue at hand—how ramen noodles taste in space. "Space noodles were one of the things I was really looking forward to," responded Noguchi, which, according to sources here at Campus Progress, is in fact the greatest thing anyone has ever said in space, ever. In fact, our only regret is the tremendous missed opportunity to tell the Prime Minister, "well actually, they taste kind of Tang-y."
Noodles: B
Space Noodles: A
August J. Pollak, Campus Progress
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Illustration: August J. Pollak
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